The Dilemma of Realism: Should Taekwon-Do Teach Real Violence or Remain Family Friendly? A balanced argument for instructors in modern Taekwon-Do

By Roy Rolstad

Introduction: The Two Faces of Taekwon-Do

Every instructor knows the dilemma:

Should we teach Taekwon-Do as a family friendly martial art, or should we focus on preparing students for real violence?

Both ideas are part of our heritage.

Both have value.

But they cannot dominate the same class at the same time.

If we lean too far toward real violence, the dojang loses its family character.

If we lean too far toward sport and fitness, the martial art becomes hollow.

This article explores that dilemma honestly, using violence statistics to understand what students actually need, and when they need it.

And the conclusion may surprise you.

1. What Real Violence Actually Looks Like

We now have solid data on how real-world violence unfolds, including:

Duration and intensity

CCTV studies of over 200 knife attacks show:

• 14 seconds median duration

• 23 seconds average

• 70% end before 23 seconds

• 80% end before 32 seconds

Street violence is not cinematic.

It is not long.

It is not technical.

It is fast, chaotic, close, and emotional.

How structured fights differ in professional fighting.

From 525 UFC fights in 2025:

• 49.5% go to decision

• 32.2% end in TKO/KO

• 17.7% by submission

Nearly half last the full distance.

Real violence never does.

Who commits violence

Crime data shows:

• 75–80% of violent offenders are men

• Average age around 26

• Alcohol or drugs involved in around half of incidents

• Many attacks happen between people who already know each other

This means real violence is not a clean, structured duel between two evenly matched martial artists. It is a social and emotional event where people are caught off guard.

2. Why this creates a dilemma for Taekwon-Do instructors

If the reality of violence is so brutal and chaotic, should we then train every class like a police academy?

No.

Because the majority of people who walk through the dojang door are not preparing for extreme violence. They are:

• Parents bringing their kids

• Teenagers looking for confidence and community

• Adults wanting fitness, structure and mental health

• Families training together

• People with no interest in fighting at all

This is our reality.

And the dojang must serve this reality first.

3. The problem: Realistic self-defense training can be disturbing

When taught properly, realistic self-defense includes:

• High stress

• Strong verbal confrontation

• Close contact

• Discussions about assault

• Understanding of vulnerability

• Emotional pressure

• Uncomfortable truths

• Simulated chaos

• Training in pre-violent cues and ambush scenarios

This is necessary for realism, but not appropriate for children, beginners, or a mixed family class.

We cannot run a children’s hour where half the students practice side kicks and the other half practice how to survive a 14-second stabbing attempt.

There is a time and place for everything.

4. The purpose of daily Taekwon-Do training

Daily training should build:

• Confidence

• Technique

• Structure

• Discipline

• Fitness

• Joy

• Community

• Personal development

• Fundamental movement

• Healthy competition

• Lifelong practice

This is the foundation of Taekwon-Do as a modern martial art.

The dojang is not the street.

It must remain a safe space.

Children should grow, not fear.

Families should enjoy training together.

Beginners should not be overwhelmed.

Instructors should not traumatize students in the name of realism.

A Taekwon-Do class must be an environment where people feel safe enough to learn uncomfortable things later.

5. The missing link: How to respect both realities

This is where the dilemma becomes a strategy:

Daily training = family friendly martial art

Focus on:

• Basic techniques

• Patterns with functional logic

• Light sparring

• Coordination

• Strength and balance

• Taekwon-Do values

• Play, creativity and teamwork for kids

• Controlled progression for all students

Dedicated training = real violence context

Hold separate:

• Short, focused courses

• Evening seminars

• Adult classes

• Instructor-only development sessions

Here you can safely introduce:

• Realistic timings

• CCTV-based scenarios

• Pressure testing

• Close-range combatives

• Verbal escalation

• Weapon awareness

• Ground survival

• Environmental drills

• Psychological preparation

This two-part approach protects students and preserves authenticity.

6. Why keeping realism separate is actually more effective

Instructors often think:

“If I include a little realism in every class, we stay connected to the truth.”

This is a mistake.

Because real violence training requires:

• Mental readiness

• Emotional maturity

• Consent

• Clear boundaries

• A shared understanding of why we are doing it

• A safe environment without children present

• A controlled session design

• An instructor with proper knowledge

When placed inside a regular class it becomes:

• Confusing

• Disruptive

• Too intense

• Out of place

• Incomplete and poorly executed

But when placed in a seminar or adult class, it becomes:

• Focused

• Appropriate

• Safe

• Effective

• Transformative

• Deeply educational

• Fully contextual

Real violence training is not a snack.

It is a meal.

Serve it at the right time.

7. What this means for Taekwon-Do today

Not every student needs or wants real violence training.

But every student deserves a path to access it when they are ready.

The solution is not to change Taekwon-Do.

The solution is to structure Taekwon-Do intelligently.

1. Keep the dojang family friendly

This protects the heart of Taekwon-Do as a community martial art.

2. Offer realistic training in the correct format

Seminars, courses, and adult-only modules allow depth and authenticity.

3. Use the patterns as the bridge

Patterns contain the concepts.

Courses bring them to life under pressure.

4. Empower instructors with knowledge

Instructors should learn real-world violence,

but teach it in structured, separate contexts.

5. Preserve the art, expand the practice

You do not need to choose between tradition and reality.

You need to choose the right time and place for each.

Conclusion: Two worlds, one art

Taekwon-Do has always lived in two worlds:

the world of art and the world of combat.

We honour both by placing them correctly.

Daily training should be:

• Safe

• Joyful

• Family friendly

• Technically strong

• Positive

• Community building

Realistic violence training should be:

• Truthful

• Focused

• Mature

• Respectful

• Well structured

• Limited to appropriate settings

When we separate the environments, we do not weaken Taekwon-Do.

We strengthen it.

Our students become happier.

Our classes become safer.

Our dojangs become larger.

Our instructors become more competent.

Our understanding of real violence becomes deeper.

And our art becomes complete.

This is the balanced path.

This is the responsible path.

This is how we build the future of Taekwon-Do.